Go ahead and admit it – you were just wondering what has been going on lately in the world of airports. Well today is your lucky day! Not only have I gathered up the latest airport news, but I also provide my (somewhat warped) take on it, free of charge! You’re welcome!
Psst! Wanna Buy an Airport?
Apparently Normal Manley Airport (NMIA) in Jamaica was accepting bids from potential buyers to privatize operations. However, the bidding closed recently… without any bidders! What??? Why in the heck didn’t someone let me know about this? No, I don’t have the millions of dollars I’d likely need, but hey – think of all the fun I could have had with a Go Fund Me account! And just imagine what an airport owned by me would be like! Airport shuttles? Taxis? Tugs? Oh heck no! We’re gonna use STAIRS TRUCKS for all of that. And since airplanes are the only things more awesome than stairs trucks, as owner of the airport I would work hard to get the coolest and widest variety of airplanes to fly in. I suppose I’d also have to take care of mundane stuff like passengers, terminal maintenance, security, yadda yadda yadda. Did I mention stairs trucks?
Here We Drone Again
A drone was spotted by the crew of a Jet Blue flight near the approach to runway 22 left at Boston Logan Airport on New Year’s Day. Um hello… what about DO NOT FLY DRONES WITHIN FIVE MILES OF AN AIRPORT don’t people understand? Most drone owners are responsible and law-abiding. It’s those few careless/clueless drone owners who are ruining it for all the rest. The only people who tick me off more than reckless drone operators are people who shine lasers at airplanes. Speaking of which…
LA Tops the Laser List
According to the FAA, there have been more incidents of people pointing lasers at airplanes in Los Angeles than in any other US city – a total of 197 through November of 2015. 197? Are you kidding me??? What the hell is up with that? Seriously Los Angeles, stop! Just stop it!
Happy Birthday Heathrow!
Today’s Weather: Partly cloudy. Wait… partly cloudy in London? Are you sure? (Photo by Tony Hisgett cc)
London’s Heathrow (LHR) airport opened for commercial flights 70 years ago. 70? Wow! Happy Birthday! That’s really something! Except… Well actually now that I think on it, my airport opened in 1929 which makes it 87 years old. How on earth did a medium-sized airport in the heart of “flyover country” manage to get started ahead of LHR? That just doesn’t seem right! Well congrats anyway Heathrow. And what took you so long? Hee hee hee! Speaking of Heathrow…
Breaking news: I swear I had nothing to do with this!
Heathrow Expansion Delayed. Again.
Apparently some people are pretty upset that Heathrow has once again delayed making a decision about either adding a third runway, or extending an existing runway. Speaking as an employee of an airport that just built a new runway in 2013 and is in the planning stages of building an entirely new terminal, let me just say that expanding an airport is no small task. Before you can even think about making changes of any magnitude, you must first complete a large number of assessments, engineering reviews, environmental impact studies, wetland mitigation plans… the list goes on and on. Then you have to figure out how to fund the expansion. You can’t just jack up everyone’s rates or they’ll simply stop using your airport. I don’t know how long LHR has been dragging its feet on this and I’m certainly not trying to defend them. However, I do have to say I’m not at all surprised and I wish them the best!
This just in: Eastern Airlines Jet tries unsuccessfully to elude paparazzi by hiding at the FBO
Screening for Fake Bombs?
A recent Air France flight had to make an emergency landing in Kenya after a fake bomb (made of cardboard and sheets of paper) was discovered behind one of the toilets. This is the fourth incident involving fake bombs and Air France in the last few weeks. So wait… hiding fake bombs on airplanes and scaring the heck out of everyone with them is a thing now? What on earth is wrong with people??? Don’t they have anything better to do? Airport security is already very busy attempting to make sure no one sneaks real bombs onto planes… now they’re being asked to screen for fake bombs too? You’ve got to be kidding. I can just see it now: “Sorry little Suzy, but your licorice could be used as a fake fuse on a fake bomb so I’m going to have to confiscate it.” I’ve got a better idea – how about pax stop constructing fake bombs and taking them on airplanes! Duh! And lastly…
Airplanes Play Bumper Cars at ORD
There have been a couple of incidents recently involving planes and trucks running into each other at O’Hare airport. The most recent occurrence happened on Sunday, January 3 in which a fuel truck smashed into the wing of a GoJet flight (operating as United Express). I know what you’re thinking and no, I was NOT at ORD last Sunday night!
In a statement released on her blog, Jenn said: “I’m not in that fuel truck. I did not hit any airplanes. I am not using a stairs truck to make my getaway…”
Tales from the Terminal 
Ref the whole ‘fake bomb’ thing. The security company at my local airport uses a program which inserts a bomb/knife/gun onto the x-ray image to see if the operator is still awake.
“John, you missed the grenade. Yeah, I know it wasn’t really there but rules are rules. You’ve got to go back to staff gate and take the cabin crew’s perfume away. We’ll review in 6 months.”
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