Why I’d Make a Lousy Flight Attendant

March 10, 2015March 10, 2015 / niffer90

By calflier001 [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Photo by calflier001 [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons

Let me just say right from the start that Flight Attendants have a difficult and often thankless job and I fully and freely admit I am not capable of handling it. Seriously. They juggle a million responsibilities, not the least of which involves dealing with PEOPLE in cramped spaces often for extended periods of time. They are responsible for cabin safety, are expected to take the lead in an emergency, must communicate efficiently and effectively with the flight crew and always remain calm. They deal with luggage, answer a million questions, handle a myriad of issues, diagnose illnesses, and deal with drunks. Oh, and they serve beverages. And fetch pillows and blankets. And somehow they manage to keep smiling. Yeah, I’m totally not worthy. And here’s just a few of the reasons why:

1. It would take all the alcohol on board for me to be able to cope.

2. Actually, all the alcohol on board wouldn’t be nearly enough.

3. Kicking obnoxious passengers off the plane at 35,000 feet is apparently frowned upon.

4. I’ve never smoked a day in my life, but this would still be me:

5. I’d be too busy geeking out at all the other airplanes to do my job properly.

6. “Ooooh – so THIS is what the cockpit looks like! Hey… what’s that button do? What about that one? And that one? And that one? And…”

7. Many flight attendant uniforms seem to involve scarves. I suck at scarves.

8. Sit down! The seatbelt sign is ON!

9. I can’t carry a glass of water three steps across a stationary kitchen floor without spilling.

10. I’d be so incredibly tempted to deploy the emergency slide for non-emergency situations – like to get to the margarita bar faster.

11. I’m pretty sure my PA announcements would be highly inappropriate.

12. Total Bastard Airlines is the only airline that would hire me.

10 thoughts on “Why I’d Make a Lousy Flight Attendant”

jlroehr

March 10, 2015 at 8:47 pm

Jennifer

I think it is a safe assumption that the travelling public and all of humanity are much better off with you on the ground and not working those flights… chuckle… Great blog posts.

@JR_justJR

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- niffer90
  
  March 10, 2015 at 8:51 pm
  
  Thanks so much JR! Yes, I guess there’s a reason I work in accounting. ;o)
  
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Ron Rapp

March 11, 2015 at 4:17 pm

I always say the flight attendants have the toughest job in aviation. Dealing with all those passengers? No thanks. In business aviation, they have to please the most discriminating customers, and are the primary factor in whether or not the reports back to the broker are positive or negative. It’s a lot of pressure — but they do it day in and day out. My hat is off to them!

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- niffer90
  
  March 11, 2015 at 4:27 pm
  
  I completely agree Ron! They do an amazing job in the face of often demanding circumstances. Pax would do well to remember that and treat flight attendants with courtesy and respect.
  
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Capt. JC Kidder (@CaptJCKidder)

March 11, 2015 at 5:51 pm

Beef or Cow? Beef or Cow? Sorry we’re all out of COW! Thank you, Jenn ! Another fun read ! I’m glad you covered the Cabin Crew, I could not do it for sure. As you know I thank my crew in every post flight Tweet if I can but more importantly before and after every flight. Hint, Hint my fellow Captains.

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- niffer90
  
  March 11, 2015 at 6:08 pm
  
  Thanks for reading JC! And thanks for the videos, two of which I came across via your posts on twitter. No matter how many times I see them they make me laugh.
  
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The Bold Bluebonnet

March 12, 2015 at 4:54 pm

LOVE the videos. Thanks for making me chuckle!

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- niffer90
  
  March 12, 2015 at 5:10 pm
  
  They make me laugh every time I watch them! Glad you enjoyed and thanks for reading!
  
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Maharani

June 4, 2015 at 8:51 am

I so agree. Flight crews deserve medals. After many years of flying commercial, I had become jaded and often grumpy, though never as bad as some PAX that I have seen. Becoming a student pilot has brought many benefits, including a vastly increased appreciation for what flight crews do. I also recovered my joy in the window seat-I like watching the taxiway lines and runway markers now I know what they mean!

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