My Excellent Airfield Adventure

November 18, 2015November 18, 2015 / niffer90 / 7 Comments

DISCLAIMER: All tour participants had the necessary security clearance to be on the airfield. The tour was an approved and sanctioned event. All airfield and ATC protocols were followed.

It’s no secret that I’m fascinated by airport operations, especially all that cool equipment they use the keep the airfield running. As a result, I’m sure the Airfield Maintenance (AFM) team keeps extra locks on the vehicle sheds, just to be safe. So imagine my surprise when my boss announced that my department had been invited on a tour of the airfield. Um… SERIOUSLY??? The AFM guys are either really brave or they totally under estimate my capacity for mayhem.

This plane was practicing approaches during the airfield tour.

Our big adventure began with the AFM supervisors picking us up in a shuttle on the ramp right outside our office. We then went on a drive around the airfield perimeter which allowed us to get a close-up look at the de-icing pads, glycol tanks, fuel farm and ILS equipment. While they were driving, the AFM supervisors pointed out various systems, facilities and landmarks. They kept saying things like “Does anyone besides Jenn know what an Instrument Landing System is?” “Does anyone besides Jenn know what RVR stands for?” When they weren’t talking I was bombarding them with questions. Here are some of the things I learned:

– Airlines are responsible for their own de-icing, but Airport Operations is responsible for directing airplanes into and out of the deicing pads. The busiest time for this (outside of snow events) is on winter mornings when the first planes to depart have to get the frost removed from their wings. The rush begins right around 5am or so.

– Airfield Maintenance, Airport Operations, Engineering and ATC meet every Thursday morning to discuss any maintenance or other work that needs to take place in and around the runways in the coming week. (They call this the NOTAM meeting.) They try to coordinate the work as much as possible to minimize runway closures.

– Airport Operations is in charge of clearing any debris from the runways. However, if debris is reported and airfield maintenance is already working in the area, they are often called in to handle it.

– At the passenger airport the ILS system and other NAVAIDS belong to the FAA. This is apparently the norm at many airports. The FAA flies around to the various airports and tests the equipment to make sure it is functioning properly. Interestingly, the ILS and NAVAIDS at the cargo and GA airports belong to the airport authority.

One of the oddest things on the airfield – this plaque which marks the place where an old cemetery used to be. This cannot be seen from the road and unless you know where to look, you probably wouldn’t notice it from the air either

– Any wetlands that are disturbed/destroyed as part of airport construction must be replaced by one and a half times the acreage affected. When the south runway was built in 2013, a wetlands area had to be filled in. As per regulations, a new wetlands area was established on the south western corner of the airport property.

– Like any other airport, mine deals with its fair share of bird strikes every year. If the number of bird strikes goes above a certain level, the USDA will step in to assess the situation. Other pests the airport has had to contend with: mice, moles, voles and groundhogs. (A few years back they removed over 300 groundhogs from the airfield!) The proliferation of small rodents in turn brings in larger predators, like hawks and coyotes.

– Runways are inspected and maintained regularly. Cracks are sealed to prevent water from penetrating the runway surface and causing further damage. Cracks above a certain size (I can’t remember the exact dimensions, but smaller than you’d think) can force the closure of a runway or taxiway. Likewise, the grassy areas surrounding the runways must be flat and level. Any ruts or holes (even from something as simple as sending mowers out when the ground is too wet) will force the closure of the runway and must be repaired immediately.

One of the sensor pucks buried in the concrete and used to monitor runway conditions.

– AFM and Ops work together to handle runway maintenance in winter conditions using the old ATC tower as a base of operations. There are sensor “pucks” built into the pavement in various locations on the taxiways and runways. These sensors give information not only about the surface temperature, but also about the composition of the liquids on the surface. There are also temperature sensors below ground. If it is freezing above ground, but warmer below ground, they might be able to delay de-icing procedures. As one of the supervisors put it, managing runways in the winter is part science and part art form. (Salt is NOT used to deice runways as it is very corrosive to airplanes.)

– Plows with metal blades are used to clear the taxiways and the apron. These plows can remove the snow very effectively. On the runways they have to use blades with castors and rubber bottoms to avoid ripping out the in-ground runway lights. (If a light is ripped up it creates a hole in the runway which means the entire runway must be shut down – not good!) These plows cannot clear snow as effectively, so they are used in conjunction with brooms.

– Because it is fenced off and does not have public access, you do NOT need a CDL to operate a plow on the airfield! However, most AFM employees do have their CDL licenses so they can plow the streets and lots around the airport.

I prepare to go for a ride in the broom truck!

Our tour of the perimeter concluded on the northern side of the airport near the AFM facilities. We disembarked the shuttle in a large, mostly empty tie-down area where several pieces of equipment were waiting for us, including a snowplow and a broom truck. We were then told to choose a vehicle and hop in. They even said we could drive if we wanted to! As you might imagine, I was beyond excited!

Having already sat in a plow I decided to climb on board the broom truck. A very nice man (whose name I forget) drove me around and showed me how the broom works. I can only imagine what operations and ATC thought at the sight of a bunch of accountants and finance people tooling around the perimeter roads in heavy equipment. Although I was seriously tempted, I opted not to drive. Remember how ruts in the grass can shut down a runway? Yeah, that would totally be my luck!

NOTAM: This runway will be closed for approximately 6 months next year to undergo resurfacing.

Once everyone had a chance to check out the airfield equipment we hopped back in the shuttle with one supervisor while the other supervisor hopped in a truck ahead of us. To my amazement he proceeded to contact the tower and request permission for us to drive up runway 28R-10L. At this point I officially lost my mind. Ever since I started my job nearly a year ago I have DREAMED of getting out on one of the runways, but never really expected it would happen. Next thing I knew we were cleared onto the runway and off we went. Oh. Heck Yes!!!!! A Delta plane was taxiing towards the entrance of the runway and I can only imagine what the pilots thought when they saw us drive by.

Yup, that’s a runway all right!

FO: “Tower, this is Delta 123 – I’d like to report a rogue shuttle bus on runway 28 Right.”

ATC: “Roger Delta 123. That’s the accounting and finance department. They’re… um… conducting an inventory audit of the airfield. That’s right – all fourteen of them have to be driven up the runway so they can confirm it exists.”

Even more hilarious is the fact that we didn’t drive straight up the runway. Oh no – we were weaving around because the AFM Supervisors were trying to find the sensor pucks to show us what they look like.

RVR sensor

FO: “Tower, this is Delta 123 again – are you SURE that’s not a drunk shuttle driver on the loose? They’re weaving all over the place!”

ATC: “Um… Negative, Delta 123. They’re… um… counting lights. Yes, that’s it. You know, as part of the audit.”

We exited the runway where instructed but the supervisors weren’t happy because they hadn’t been able to find any of the sensors, so we got permission to cross the runway where we finally located one of the pucks on the taxiway. At this point we had made almost a full loop around the airport property so the shuttle took us the short distance back to our office and the tour concluded. As you might imagine, I was on cloud 9 the rest of the afternoon. What an awesome experience! This definitely ranks up there as one of the coolest things I’ve gotten to do as part of my job. Now all I need is to get behind the wheel of the stairs truck! And get a tour of the airfield at the cargo airport! And watch them unloaded the 747-8 cargo planes! And get inside the ATC tower! And…

Looming Pilot Shortage – Not Kid Stuff

October 8, 2015October 8, 2015 / niffer90 / 4 Comments

There has been a lot of talk recently about the looming pilot shortage. The high cost of training and poor pay at many regional airlines are two potential causes. However I believe there is a serious contributing factor that has so far been completely overlooked – and it’s lurking in your child’s toy box. I am, of course, talking about the deplorable selection of airport playsets available to children today. You might be asking yourself, what on earth could be wrong with an airport playset? As it turns out, quite a lot.

Are you kidding me with this?

At first glance this airport playset seems harmless enough. The construction is durable and the runway placement looks OK. There’s a cafe located right next to the airfield with no perimeter fencing in sight, but I think we can let that slide. The real trouble comes when you take a closer look at the ATC tower. No, you aren’t imagining things, that’s a dog working air traffic control! What the… ! Seriously? Who is the Tower Supervisor here? Scooby Doo? And I don’t even want to think about what is going on over at Center! Is it any wonder that a child using this play set might look over at the family pooch and think, “Screw this! No way in hell am I going to be a pilot!”

This Is All Kinds of Wrong!

There are so many issues with this next playset that I don’t even know where to begin. First of all, the runway is on top of the airport. Really? Who on earth thought this was a good idea? Even more troubling is the fact that the runway begins/ends directly in front of the ATC tower. This, coupled with the absurdly short runway length, pretty much guarantees disaster. Either planes will tumble off the edge of the airport roof, or they’ll slam into the tower. I think the designers of this toy are hoping that we’ll be so excited that the air traffic controllers are actually human we’ll overlook the fact that the airport is a death trap. Yeah… I don’t think so! You might be able to fool a one year old with this set-up, but by the time the child learns to talk his/her first words are going to be: “Pilot? NO!!!”

Seriously, What the Heck!

By now you’re probably thinking that an uncontrolled airfield would make for a better playset. You don’t have to worry about Astro working approach and the risk of carnage is a bit lower. I mean, how hard can it be to design a realistic runway with no buildings or ATC towers to deal with? Apparently too hard. Allow me to introduce you to this airfield that appears to have been added to a train set as a random afterthought. The only building in the area is a helipad which is freakishly large in comparison to the runway. And once again the runway placement is questionable. Right next to a road? Really? And why is the road longer and wider than the runway? It’s almost as if toy designers are deliberately trying to scare off future pilots.

No, Just No!

I know what you’re thinking. These airport play sets seem a bit dated. Surely modern sets are better. I thought the same thing. And then this happened. Behold the Boeing airport set purchased just a few months ago. Notice anything peculiar? How about the fact that the ground equipment is completely GINORMOUS compared to the airplanes? I mean just look at how the stairs truck towers over the Dreamliner. Now you know I love a good stairs truck, but a monster stairs truck that’s capable of trampling a large airplane? OK fine, I still love it. Most kids, however, would likely be completely confused if not downright terrified.

So What Do We Do?

If the dog in the ATC tower doesn’t kill you, the dog working the rental car counter will!

Think these are isolated examples? Think again! Next time you are bored, google airport play sets. I dare you! You think canines running ATC is bad? One play set has a truck handling air traffic control. Yes, you read that correctly. A truck! Do you think Charles Lindbergh or Amelia Earhart would have taken to the skies if they had been forced to play with these nightmares disguised as toys? I don’t think so! If we’re to cultivate the next generation of pilots, it’s time to stop the madness. Contact Hasbro, Mattel, Little Tykes, American Girl Doll, your representatives in Washington, and the Pope and let them know what is going on here. While you’re at it you might want to contact the SPCA too, just in case.

Too Much Time At The Airport?

September 24, 2015September 24, 2015 / niffer90 / 1 Comment

Is it possible for an avgeek to spend too much time at the airport? My first impulse is to say, of course not! Airports are where the airplanes are – too much is never enough! However, recently I’ve noticed that the line between life at the airport and life at home is getting a little blurred. For example, I was driving the other day and saw a white truck ahead of me. My first thought was, “Oh look, an operations vehicle. I wonder what number it is.” (All operations vehicles on the airfield are white with red numbers on them.) Of course then I remembered that I wasn’t at the airport and the white truck… was just a white truck. Doh! Think this couldn’t happen to you? Don’t be too sure! Avgeeks are especially vulnerable. Know the warning signs!

You might be spending too much time at the airport if…

– You hear school bells ringing and immediately think, “Someone is moving a jet bridge!”

– Your car breaks down and you find yourself calling for a tug instead of a tow truck.

– You prepare for security screening every time you see someone wearing a royal blue shirt.

– You wish you had a ground crew to load/unload groceries (as long as you didn’t buy eggs or anything in breakable jars).

– You are considering installing a de-icing pad at the end of your driveway to clear the snow off your car in the winter.

– You’d like to take pictures at the family birthday party but don’t because that would require you to delete airplane pictures from your phone.

– Then a really cool plane flies over so you make the sacrifice and reluctantly delete one of the 16 pictures you took of that interesting charter plane last week.

– You name your dog “Gear” just so you can yell, “Gear down!” when it tries to jump on people.

– Likewise your cats are named Cessna and Piper.

– Any time you are around or near airplanes you find yourself reaching for your SIDA badge.

– “Attention in the house, attention in the house – would the party who walked off with the TV remote please return it to the couch in the living room. Thank you.”

– You consider installing perimeter fencing around your property to keep out solicitors.

– You would like to do background checks, issue access badges and set up mandatory screening areas for your daughter’s boyfriends.

– The flag hanging in front of your house is a windsock.

– You use coordinates instead of an address to explain where you live.

– You want to set up a localizer in your yard just because it looks cool.

– You find yourself searching online for good deals on used Stairs Trucks.

In other news…

If you’ve read my post about Airport Jobs I Wish I Had, or my recent guest post on Capn Aux’s blog, then you know why this picture is so funny… and so incredibly scary. I guarantee the guys at Airfield Maintenance are busy changing the locks and hiding the keys!

Yes that’s me in the driver’s seat of a snowplow. No, I’m not kidding. Be afraid. Be VERY afraid!

Aviation Celebration

August 19, 2015August 19, 2015 / niffer90 / 2 Comments

In the United States, August 19 is National Aviation Day. Established by President Franklin Roosevelt in 1939, it is a day for us to reflect on and celebrate the history of aviation, as well as its role in our lives today. Perhaps not-so-coincidentally, it is also Orville Wright’s birthday. How did we mark the occasion at the airport? More on that in a moment, but first…

We Have A Winner!

At the end of last week’s blog I encouraged (OK, fine – cajoled, begged, badgered) you to let me know which mini Boeing should grace my desk at work – the 747 or 787. Well the results are in and the winner by a respectable 43% is THE QUEEN OF THE SKIES!

Don’t feel bad Dreamliner fans – she’ll continue to brighten up my living room from her location right next to everyone’s favorite ground support vehicle – the stairs truck!

National Aviation Day at the Airport

You’d probably expect an airport to take full advantage of National Aviation Day by engaging with passengers and employees to celebrate all the ways in which aviation inspires and connects us. There’d be balloons and confetti! Or maybe a couple of posters. Or perhaps an email? Or… yeah, you guessed it – there was no mention of National Aviation Day at all. At least not in any organized way.

One-Woman Aviation Celebration

Well you know I wasn’t about to let National Aviation Day go by without acknowledgement, ESPECIALLY not at the airport! So I built some biplanes (no, not real ones – I’m not THAT talented), brought in mini-cupcakes, wrote an announcement on my white-board and invited everyone to join in the celebration. I also brought in my mini-747 and gave it a place of honor on my desk. I wasn’t sure how my coworkers were going to take all this celebrating – as you know, most of them aren’t avgeeks. But then I got an email from a supervisor actually thanking me for being passionate about aviation! The email went on to say that it’s easy to get caught up in all the day to day work and it is good to be reminded about an event that recognizes and celebrates the aviation industry. Wow! That totally made my day!

Happy National Aviation Day everyone! After all, for avgeeks and aviation enthusiasts all around the world, EVERY day is aviation day!

Odds and Ends

August 13, 2015August 13, 2015 / niffer90 / 8 Comments

As I’ve mentioned before, there’s never a dull day at the airport. Think things might slow down a bit over the summer? Nope! Here’s a look at some things I’ve been investigating recently, along with another installment of random airport trivia.

The Mysterious Wall Debate – Resolved!

If you follow me on twitter then you may have participated in a recent discussion over the purpose of this wall:

The wall: not near the start of a runway, nor near any gates, nor near GA parking. What the heck is it for?

It is located next to an open grassy area, at wide point along the apron so that it is in the vicinity of gates but not close to them. Airplanes come and go past the wall all the time and are sometimes pushed back near to the wall but never directly in front of it. I have wondered for quite some time what purpose the wall serves. The majority of twitter friends felt that it is most likely a jet blast deflector or blast fence. I wasn’t so sure. For one thing, it is in a strange location for a blast fence. For another, the only thing on the other side of it is grass , which is not something that generally needs protecting. And NO all you smart-alecs out there, the wall is NOT there so ground crews can hide stairs trucks from me. I finally got the answer directly from our good friends over in Airport Operations. Drum roll please…

Fire up those engines!

It is a run-up wall! In some airports blast fences are used as run-up walls so those arguing that it must be a blast deflector are partially correct. At my airport the purpose of the wall isn’t to contain jet-blast – it’s to contain jet SOUND. Aircraft that need to test their engines (up to 80% of max) park behind the wall, which deadens the sound and prevents the neighborhood across the way from being disturbed. It does not, however, prevent my department from reveling in the full glory of jet engines firing up. OK, fine, my co-workers find it annoying. I, on the other hand, LOVE it!

“Lighting Violations Involving Transporting Controlled Substances.”

Here’s another mystery I’ve been puzzling over. We are currently undergoing the rebadging process to get our SIDA credentials renewed. As part of this we have to sign a document in which we attest that we haven’t been convicted of various offences, from murder to creating a disturbance at a foreign airport to interfering with a flight crew. Most of the items on the list were self-explanatory except for “Lighting violations involving transporting controlled substances.” Huh???? Once again a twitter friend came to the rescue with a link to the explanation. The takeaway here is apparently that if you’re going to transport controlled substances (which isn’t recommended to begin with), keep your lights on! No trying to sneak your plane in without lights or, even worse, drive the stairs truck around without headlights on!

Other Bits of Randomness

– Every door at the airport is numbered. Every. Single. One. And there are some people who know each and every door number. I am NOT one of those people, so if you want me to meet you at your desk and you tell me to go through door 308B and then through door 472A , expect me to take several weeks to find you. (Yes, someone actually gave me directions to their office this way.)

– Airfield maintenance meets with ATC weekly to discuss runway and airfield repair and maintenance plans. These meetings are held at the ATC tower. I think it is of critical importance that I attend one of these meetings. OK, actually I just really WANT to attend because hello – they meet in the ATC tower!!! I’ve been assured that the meetings happen in a room on the first floor but I don’t care – I still think it would be cool.

– Thinking winter yet? The airport is. We just took delivery of over 13,000 gallons of runway deicer! That sounds like a lot of deicer but I bet it won’t be the last delivery of the year.

– Ever feel like you are being watched? There are over 450 cameras at the passenger airport alone! Behave yourselves people!

– What is the most annoying thing you’ve ever had to endure just to get a nice cup of coffee in the morning? Well I had my badge inspected, my hands tested for explosives and I was patted down! Yup – I needed coffee THAT badly!

Just for Fun…

Just to mix things up a little I thought I’d have a poll this week. While I was in Oshkosh I ended up with a snazzy little miniature airport set complete with, among other things, a Boeing 747 and a Boeing 787. I’d like to jazz up my cubicle a little by keeping one on my desk, but which one? Vote below and let me know!

Two fine-looking airplanes, but which should brighten up my desk?

Epic Oshkosh 2015

July 30, 2015July 30, 2015 / niffer90 / 4 Comments

One of many epic airplanes I encountered during my epic visit to Osh15!

If you’ve read my post Osh Dreaming in which I detail last year’s trip to EAA’s Airventure in Oshkosh then you know how much I was looking forward to the return trip this year. Let me assure you, Osh 15 was every bit as epic as I had hoped it would be… and then some! We spent more than twice as much time at Osh this year (3.5 days vs. 1.5 days last year) which means we had more than twice as much time to get into trouble… er, I mean to attend forums and workshops, visit exhibitors and drool over all those fabulous airplanes! And as if EAA knew I was coming, they also provided me with a history-making moment involving my favorite ground support vehicle – THE STAIRS TRUCK!

Look at that plane! And that one! And that one! Squirrel!

Here’s the thing that makes Oshkosh so ridiculously amazing – there are airplanes everywhere. And I do mean EVERYWHERE. From the moment you walk through the main gate you are surrounded by airplanes pretty much as far as the eye can see. This is completely wonderful… and totally distracting. Prior to Osh I spent several days reviewing the list of forums, workshops, movie screenings, meet and greet events, etc. and carefully mapped out a schedule of things to do each day. All that planning went out the window the moment I arrived. “OK, let’s head over to the forums and… Oh my goodness look at the Airbus 350! Wow! Look at the engines! Oooh look, they’re pushing it out to the flight line! Holy cow – look at that take-off! Oh… damn it! I just missed three events I wanted to attend!”

That said, I did make it to Oshbash and I attended a forum presentation by Gary Reeves of PilotSafety.org. I also made it over to the Ultralights area and spent time in the Homebuilds section, neither of which I got to see last year. I made a special point of getting back to the Vintage and Warbird areas – there’s just something special about those old planes. I’m glad that so many people have lovingly and carefully labored to restore them and keep them flying.

Yes, that’s me sitting in the cockpit of this way cool Sequoia Falco. My friend Slav introduced me to his friend Eric, who introduced me to his friend Randy, who bravely allowed me to sit in the plane. Only in Oshkosh!

The People Are Pretty Darn Cool Too…And Did I Mention Airplanes?

This year I had the extreme pleasure of finally getting to meet face-to-face with some people I had previously known only via twitter or from websites/blogs. It’s true what they say – avgeeks really are like one big family. It doesn’t matter that you’ve never met in person before, if you love airplanes then you automatically have something to talk about. Actually, you have lots to talk about. I had a couple of celebrity sightings, the coolest of which involved Kevin Lacey, star of the Discovery Channel show Airplane Repo. Louise and I were headed to stake out a spot to watch the night air show when I happened to see him standing just off Boeing Plaza. I debated for a moment whether to go say hello and then decided what the heck – after all, it’s Oshkosh! He was very friendly and quite graciously agreed to a few pictures. Actually, he vetoed the first set of pics that were taken and made me delete them because there was a car behind us. He insisted we face the other way so there would be an airplane behind us instead. Ah yes, a man after my own heart!

Air shows and Honor Flights and Concerts… Oh Heck Yeah!

The Air Shows at Osh 2015 were awesome, as always. It’s hard to beat not one but TWO Harriers flying around. And the F22 Raptor. And a jet powered biplane. (No, I’m not kidding!) And warbirds, of course. And the always-amazing night show, followed by fireworks. But for me the most moving and heartfelt moment of Osh came when the honor flight arrived. The veterans on board had spent the day in Washington DC and were welcomed back with a water cannon salute as well as enthusiastic applause. Afterwards there was a concert featuring Gary Sinese and the Lt. Dan Band. If you ever have a chance to to see this band, I HIGHLY recommend it! They put on a great show and I danced like a fool through the whole thing.

Look! It’s a STAIRS TRUCK!!!! Oh yeah, and there’s an Airbus or something attached to it.

THE Most EPIC Moment At Oshkosh!

On the evening we arrived, Louise and I decided to wander through Boeing Plaza just to see what was on display. I’m pretty sure there were lots of airplanes, but I didn’t notice them right away because I only had eyes for the not one, but TWO stairs trucks that were positioned on either side of the Airbus 350. The stairs trucks were roped off and there were a lot of people around so I didn’t feel the time was right to attempt to get close. Instead I chose to bide my time and wait for an opportunity. Which, as it turns out, happened the next day. The Airbus apparently had other places to be so it flew away. And in the few moments between when it took off and the next plane arrived, THIS happened:

We were surrounded by the most amazing collection of airplanes anywhere in the country and I was getting my picture taken with the stairs truck. Yes, I know.

Just as I was on the verge of making a dash for the door so Louise could snap a quick pic of me behind the wheel, a driver appeared, followed shortly by a FedEx Airbus A300F4. I was disappointed that I wasn’t able to get inside the stairs truck, but as it turned out I got to do something else which was almost (but not quite) even more excellent – climb the stairs!

And once I climbed those stairs I remembered the REAL reason why stairs trucks are so completely epic – they give you the ability to get to THIS:

That’s right – someone else was crazy enough to allow me into the cockpit of an airplane. Louise had been in a cockpit once before when she was five. Since that gives her twice as much time on the flight deck as me, she got the Captain’s seat. FedEx wisely had someone there keeping an eye on us. (Of course I couldn’t resist asking the poor guy about this button and that one and that one and that one.) It was truly an amazing experience I won’t soon forget! But the absolutely most epic thing that happened to me at Osh 15 was this:

I GOT A STAIRS TRUCK OF MY VERY OWN!!!!!

Thanks EAA! For all these reasons and many more, Oshkosh is my happy place. I had an AMAZING time and I can’t wait for Airventure 2016!

Those Marvelous Motorized Stairs

July 9, 2015July 9, 2015 / niffer90 / 11 Comments

It has been suggested that I may be a wee bit obsessed with the motorized stairs. Well who can blame me? I mean, who doesn’t love the stairs truck? Wait… you don’t? WHAT??? How is that possible? Mobile stairs are CLEARLY a marvel of engineering and usefulness! Allow me to spread a little mobile stairs love by sharing some of the things that make it awesome.

The Beginning

Are you kidding me with this? Just when I thought the stairs truck couldn’t get any cooler!

I figured the best place to start would be to do a little research into the history of the stairs truck, so I went to a source that is above reproach, renowned for its solid, unbiased facts… OK, fine – actually, I went to Wikipedia. I thought some crazed stairs fan… I mean some learned historian would have taken the time to document the beginnings of such an important vehicle. Wrong! The only mention of the mobile stairs that I could find was a couple of sentences buried in the middle of an article about airport equipment. The stupid baggage tug gets higher billing! Heck, jet bridges get their own damn article! It’s appalling! I tried using a variety of search terms – mobile stairs, motorized stairs, stairs truck. Nothing! That’s does it – Wikipedia, you are dead to me!

Google Fail

These sad little stairs aren’t motorized. What a shame!

Swallowing my disappointment, I turned instead to the mighty Google. Surely it will be filled with information about the storied past of the stairs truck! Sadly, no. I thought I was on to something when I came across AviationPro’s article on the history of ground support equipment, but they focus more on tugs and jet bridges than stairs. (Tugs and jet bridges again! I see tugs and jet bridges around all day and I’m telling you, they just aren’t that exciting!) After a bit more digging I was forced to conclude that the history of the mobile stairs is either lost to the sands of time or buried so far in the depths of Google that it will never see the light of day.

Historical reenactment

“This is the role I waited a lifetime for!”

Since Wikipedia and Google were no help and I’m feeling too lazy to do any real research, the following is a representation of how I think the invention of the mobile stairs went down. The setting is an Old Timey Airport many years ago. I picture Robert Duvall in the role of the Airplane Builder and Leonardo DiCaprio as the intrepid ramp agent.

Ye Olde Ramper: Wow! Nice plane!

Ye Olde Airplane Builder: Thanks! It is bigger and better than previous models and can carry more passengers. I didn’t bother with stairs though – they are heavy and annoying. You’ll have to figure out some way of getting the passengers on and off.

Ye Olde Ramper: Like hauling a heavy, awkward ladder around? I don’t think so! Hey, I have an idea – I’ll build a set of stairs onto the back of that old truck!

Um… OK, so maybe the history of the mobile stairs isn’t that exciting. Then again, who would have thought that so much greatness would spring from such humble beginnings?

Still Not Convinced?

800px-Airport_mobile_stairs_and_vehicles_1

Look at how the mobile stairs stands out in a crowd! Is there a tug in this picture? Who cares!

I know some of you are thinking – OK, whatever. It’s just a truck with stairs on the back. What’s the big deal? Well to start with, the mobile stairs have the most unique look of all airport vehicles. No one can confuse the stairs with any other equipment. (Compare that to tugs which all look alike.) Secondly, motorized stairs are CLEARLY the most useful of all vehicles. Don’t believe me? Allow me to present the following list of totally cool things you can do with mobile stairs:

Look at this nice collection of airport vehicles, all neatly parked. There is just one teeny little problem… NO MOBILE STAIRS!!!

– Attending an outdoor concert? Roll up in the motorized stairs and you’ll have the best seat in the house. Plus you can make some extra money by selling space on the lower steps.

– Love apple picking but hate having to fight crowds of people all going after the same apples on the lower branches? Drive up in a stairs truck you’ll be King/Queen of the orchard!

– Stuck on the second floor? Park the stairs truck near a window and you’ve got a handy escape plan. Is work stressful? Class boring? Spouse nagging? Just open the window and you’re outta there!

This cat has just learned that some people do not love the motorized stairs. He is not amused. Also, he’s plotting to kill me.

– Speaking of that nagging spouse, if he/she is smart enough to nail the windows shut to prevent your escape, never fear – the stairs truck will make all those outdoor chores (painting, window washing, gutter repair) a breeze!

– Is the darn cat stuck in a tree again? You know if you try to climb up after it, the cat will only climb higher. The solution? Park the stairs truck near one of the lower branches and let the cat come down on its own. Just remember to tell the cat that under no circumstances is it to use the stairs. If you expressly forbid kitty from touching the stairs, it’ll make a beeline for them right away. Trust me on this.

Need More?

Perhaps these videos can convince you!

Motorized stairs, vs. stairs being pulled by a tug. One is CLEARLY superior.

I know what you’re thinking but I SWEAR I am not the airport employee referenced in this video.

But Wait, There’s Even More!

You’re probably starting to realize, however reluctantly, that the mobile stairs are more cool than you thought. Well hang on to your hats – a friend on twitter recently brought to my attention this picture of a mobile stairs BUS! I have no idea of it is real or not but who cares! Two words: Mind. Blown!!!

Avgeek at the Airport: 6 Month Assessment

June 11, 2015June 11, 2015 / niffer90 / 5 Comments

June 1^st marked 6 months since I started my job at the airport. This seems like a good time to pause and assess how things are going. What have I accomplished? What do I still need to work on? No, I’m not talking about my accounting responsibilities. Who cares about those? I’m talking about as an AVGEEK! After all, the whole point of working at the airport is to experience (if only in a small way) the wonderful world of airplanes. So let’s see how I’ve done.

Accomplishments

– I’m starting to recognize some of the commercial airplanes just by the sound of their engines. No, I’m nowhere near as good as most of you probably are, and I freely admit I still have lots of work to do. But still, I consider this to be a fairly major accomplishment, especially since I’m not a pilot and I don’t work with airplanes every day. I work in accounting, remember?

– I have developed a general sense of the rhythm and flow of airport operations. I can tell before I even get to the airport what direction planes will be taking off and landing and I know generally when certain flights are expected to arrive and depart. For example, if it is after lunch and I hear an airplane pull up to gate B19, I know it’s roughly 3pm. Conversely, if I glance up at the clock and see that it is 3:30pm but there’s no plane at B19, I know there has either been a gate change or someone somewhere is dealing with grumpy passengers.

– I’ve been to the Airfield Maintenance building multiple times and have secured a promise from the supervisors that they’ll take me out in one of the snowplows next winter. Sure, they tried to scare me off by telling me they’ll call at 2am during the next storm of the century, but that just shows that they don’t know me very well. If it means I get to go up and down the runway in a plow then hell yes I will ABSOLUTELY be there at 2am, even if I have to hitch my dogs to a sled to get there!

– I have been behind the scenes in that mysterious area where the baggage conveyor goes. And you know what’s there? More conveyors! They’re everywhere! And where there aren’t conveyors there are tugs and baggage trolleys. It’s really rather fascinating. It’s also rather dangerous – those baggage handlers are in a hurry so I am careful where I walk and I look twice before I cross any walkways. Passengers apparently don’t like blood and body parts stuck to their luggage.

– I’ve been to the FBO at the cargo airport and, of course, I recently got the chance to get up close and personal with an Emirates Cargo 777.

– I’m comfortable traversing the apron to go to a variety of destinations including Administration, Concourse A and Baggage Claim. If I can get somewhere by crossing the apron I generally will. And if I happen to pause to take a pic or two or a dozen, well who can blame me?

– I know the breeds of all four airport K9s (two German Shepherds and two German Shorthair Pointers), as well as their names. And I’ve met two of them personally. In fact, one suddenly appeared in my cubicle, sniffed around briefly and then departed. Apparently since I had neither bomb-making materials nor dog treats in my possession, I was not worth his continued interest. (The HR lady down the hall, however, keeps dog treats in her desk. She is VERY popular.)

– I’ve ventured into the bowels of the airport basement and lived to tell about it. Yes, the airport has a basement, and parts of it are creepy as hell. I’m not kidding. It’s a labyrinth of dark passages and hallways that seem to go haphazardly in all directions. There’s one area that recedes into what is essentially a giant crawl space so that the predominant feature is dirt – dirt walls, dirt floor and giant mounds of dirt in the middle. It doesn’t sound very hospitable but actually there are bunches of people who work down there. Before you go feeling too sorry for them let me point out that if we ever get attacked by zombies, they’re in the perfect place to safely hide out and hopefully launch a counter attack.

Continued Goals

– While I’ve spent lots of time in Concourse B and I occasionally wander over to Concourse A, I have yet to get into Concourse C. Gaining access to C is important because charter flights typically fly in and out of there so I’m missing some cool photo opportunities.

– I haven’t been to the GA airport yet so I’m making plans to go. After all, I can’t properly pay the bills for an airport I’ve never seen! (Well OK, yes I can – but please don’t tell my boss!)

– I need to get back to the FBO at the cargo airport again (preferably on a day when one of the 747s is there). Unlike the FBO at the passenger airport, which is run by a third party, the FBO at the cargo airport is run by the airport itself. And guess what the FBO has in its possession? That’s right – a stairs truck! *insert evil laugh here* Oh yes, stairs truck, you WILL be mine! Or at least maybe I can convince someone to give me a ride. Hey, it’s good to have goals, right?

Moments Like This

June 3, 2015December 22, 2015 / niffer90 / 6 Comments

If you are at all familiar with this blog then you know that I work in accounting for a medium-sized airport in the US. There are actually three airports run by the authority – one primarily for passengers (where my office is located), one primarily for cargo and a small GA airport. A couple weeks ago my department manager received an email inviting employees to witness the first scheduled arrival of an Emirates Boeing 777 into the cargo airport. She tracked me down to inquire if I might be interested. Are you kidding me??? Oh heck yes I was interested!!!

There was nothing but empty space between me and the stairs. I could have made a run for them, but using all my willpower I managed to behave. Barely.

So the following Wednesday five of us hopped into a pool vehicle and drove about 20 minutes to the cargo airport. We parked at a nearby hangar and got onto a shuttle which drove us out onto the airfield. Riding with us in the shuttle were members of the news media as well as officials from Emirates. This required me to be on my best behavior, which was a pretty tall order anyway given how excited I was, but it became even more of a challenge when we arrived at our viewing location and I was greeted by one of my biggest temptations – the motorized stairs! We had to wait about 15 minutes for the flight to arrive. 15 looooong minutes in which I tried not to think how tantalizingly close the stairs were. Fortunately I was able to distract myself by tracking the flight, tweeting updates and chatting with the other people who were there. Finally the Director of Operations announced that the flight was in a left base turn. None of my coworkers had any idea what that meant, but I did! I was practically jumping up and down with excitement. OK, who am I kidding – I WAS jumping up and down with excitement! We looked anxiously to the east and finally we saw a small dot, which got bigger, and bigger until finally…

Nice landing!

While we were waiting for the airplane to exit the runway and taxi back to us, the fire trucks got into position for the water cannon salute. It felt like it took forever but really it was only just a few minutes before the plane returned, giving us a lovely photo op as it taxied by: All I could think of at this point was, “Isn’t it gorgeous?!?!” Followed closely by “I cannot believe they are letting me get this close to that airplane!” And then “Hey – where’d the motorized stairs go?” But I quickly forgot the stairs as the airplane swung around and taxied directly at us. And then the water cannons fired up. This was the first time I have ever witnessed a water cannon salute and I have to say it was quite impressive. My picture really doesn’t do it justice: The plane continued forward until it was pretty much right in front of us. At this point my favorite piece of airport equipment swung into action.

Oh no! How will we get the crew out? Never fear – the mobile stairs are here!

We were allowed to take pictures for several minutes while the stairs were getting into position. Then an airport representative approached us and said that the pilots were going through customs and we were not permitted to take photographs during that time. This seemed a bit odd since the pilots were inside the plane and we could neither see nor hear what they were doing. After maybe ten minutes or so they exited down the stairs and got onto a shuttle which took them to the terminal to finish the customs process. As an aside I have to say I felt a bit sorry for the crew. They had just flown from Copenhagen (almost 9 hours), only to land at an airport that is, essentially, in the middle of nowhere. There are no restaurants at this airport, and no hotels. If you want food or drink or a place to relax, you’ll have to drive to get there. Oh wait… there aren’t any rental cars or buses either. Oops! Oh well, I guess it’s vending machines and FBO coffee for you! Welcome to America! Once the pilots departed we were free to resume taking pictures. At the same time, the crews raced into action to begin the process of unloading the cargo:

The pallets are on rollers to enable to crews to maneuver them out the door and onto the raised lifts.

The pallets are lowered until they can be moved onto the carts. We were told there was a super high-dollar sports car on the lower cargo deck but it was continuing on to Chicago.

As each pallet is secured to the cart, it is pulled forward by the tug and the next pallet is loaded, and so on. The crews work fast!

While the freight was being unloaded the fuel truck arrived and began refueling the plane. As you can imagine, I was in avgeek heaven this whole time. I simply couldn’t believe I was allowed to be so close to such an amazing airplane. Moments like THIS are exactly why I chose to work at the airport. I REALLY wanted to stay longer, but sadly there were papers to push and meetings to attend so we had to leave. Thankfully I have some pretty good pictures and some fabulous memories to take with me. And I’m hoping to get down to the cargo airport again soon – this time to visit with one of the gorgeous 747-8s that fly in every week!

I tried to take pictures from a variety of angles.

Snapped this pic as we were leaving the airfield.

Our last look at her as we drove away. Told you the airport is in the middle of nowhere!

If you like cargo planes and want to learn more about the life of a cargo pilot I STRONGLY recommend you follow pilots Ken Hoke and Brian Cattle on twitter. In addition, Ken has written an excellent piece on the anatomy of a cargo plane which is a must-read for any avgeek.

The Definitive Guide to Airport Vehicles (I’d Like to Drive)

May 13, 2015May 13, 2015 / niffer90 / 12 Comments

It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of airport vehicles. No, I don’t love them as much as I love airplanes, but let’s face it – without airport vehicles, most airplanes wouldn’t be going anywhere. Ever try to push a 737 away from the gate with your bare hands? Yeah, not happening. So here is my totally biased and completely non-comprehensive look at the world of airport vehicles.

With each vehicle I’ve included a “Rave Score” which indicates my level of enthusiasm (from 1-5 where 1 = it’s OK and 5 = AWESOMESAUCE) and also a “Fear Factor” which indicates how afraid you should be if I ever get my hands on one ( from 1-5 where 1 = no worries and 5 = RUN FOR YOUR LIFE).

BAGGAGE TUG

Probably one of the most numerous vehicles at the airport, baggage tugs are the trusty little workhorses that tow the luggage carts around.

Rave Score: 2 – Sorry, they just aren’t that glamorous.

Fear Factor: 3.5 – Although not especially exciting as far as vehicles go, I’m fairly certain I could cause a decent amount of mayhem in one.

AIRPLANE TUG

Haul luggage? No way! That’s for sissies. This bad boy moves the IMPORTANT equipment, namely, airplanes.

Rave Score: 3.5 – Important? Yes, but not especially exciting.

Fear Factor: 1 – Given that there’s pretty much no chance of me ever figuring out which hitch to use (I’m told every airplane uses a different type) let alone being able to actually attach it to the tug AND hook it up to the plane, there is nothing to fear here. That said, if someone else were to take care of the technical details and put me into the driver seat once everything is ready to go… well THAT would be a different story. Then we’d be looking at a Fear Factor very close to 5. Can you imagine the look of horror on the faces of the pilots as it begins to dawn on them who the tug driver is? (Captain: Hey, that tug driver looks familiar… First Officer: Oh NO! It’s that woman with the blog!)

SNOW PLOW

Definitely one of the heavy hitters of the airport, the snow plow is an impressive vehicle. While it looks quite large when seen from a distance, I assure you it is positively gargantuan when you view it up close. Probably the only thing more impressive than the snow plow is a whole convoy of them coming at you at once!

Rave Score: 4 – It’s big, it’s loud, it prowls the runways – what more needs to be said?

Fear Factor: 4 – You really don’t want me driving a snow plow – it would just be all kinds of ugly.

BROOM TRUCK

It’s a dirty job, but someone’s got to do it. Unlike the snow plow which gets the summer off, this vehicle is hard at work year-round. In the winter it goes in behind the plow and clears off the thin layer of snow that the blade leaves behind. In the summer it removes the rubber build-up and other debris from the runways.

Rave Score: 4.5 – Like the snow plow, this vehicle is near the top of the airport vehicle food chain. Unfortunately, I can’t give it a 5 because it’s always obscured under a cloud of dirt and/or snow which makes it a vehicle only Pig Pen could truly love.

Fear Factor: 4.5 – This gets a slightly higher fear factor than the plow, if only because it offers me the opportunity to wreak havoc all year long.

EMERGENCY VEHICLES

For the sake of brevity, I’m going to lump the ARFF (Airplane Rescue and Fire Fighting) and police vehicles together into one group. This would include fire trucks, police cars, ambulances, pick-up trucks and other support vehicles. Although they are quite different in style, all of them have sirens, flashing lights and clearance to go racing off to where ever they might be needed.

Rave Score: 3.5 – Sure, the fire truck and police car are pretty impressive, but when you counter them against the lowly pick-up truck I think the group averages out around a 3. I’m giving them an extra half point because did I mention they have sirens?

Fear Factor: 4.5 – I don’t think I need to detail all the ways I could get into trouble with these vehicles. Besides, the emergency personnel know where my office is.

POOL VEHICLES

The Pool Cars are run-of-the-mill Chevy sport utility vehicles used by airport authority employees to travel to various buildings on the airfield as well as to the other airports in our jurisdiction. The only reason I’m including them on this list is because I actually HAVE driven them.

Rave Score: 1 – *yawn*

Fear Factor: 1 – Nothing to see here, move along.

DE-ICING RIG

The de-icing rigs are large trucks which drive around the de-icing pads in order to spray de-icing chemicals on the airplanes to… you guessed it de-ice them!

Rave Score: 5 – While this sounds like it might be tedious, it actually looks cool as hell!

Fear Factor: 5 – Whether you put me in the driver’s seat or in the de-icing bucket, there is no way I’m not going to cause all kinds of chaos. If you put me in the de-icing bucket and my friend Louise behind the wheel then trust me, ice on the airplanes will be the very least of anyone’s worries.

MOTORIZED STAIRS

They come in a variety of styles, all of which are completely awesome. One thing is for sure – there is no mistaking the motorized stairs. They’re stairs. They can be driven around. Read those last two sentences again.

Rave Score: 6 – Did you read those two sentences above again like I asked you to? In case you didn’t: THEY’RE STAIRS AND YOU CAN DRIVE THEM AROUND!!!!

Fear Factor: 6 – You may recall an earlier post titled “Airport Jobs I Wish I Had” in which I first professed my love for the mobile stairs and wondered whether my airport actually had any (up until then I hadn’t seen any around). Shortly after that post was published someone parked a set of motorized stairs outside my department window. Whoever decided to taunt me in this way also parked a police car next to them. This was a very wise precaution for if I ever get my hands on the motorized stairs, someone will have to leap aboard and pry me from the driver’s seat because that’s the only way you’ll ever get me out.

Now some of you are thinking, “Hey – what about the fuel truck, shuttle, lawn mower, catering truck, etc.?” I TOLD you in the first paragraph that this is a completely non-comprehensive list. However, there is one last airport vehicle I feel compelled to mention. I cannot rate it because it is a fairly new creation and the airport doesn’t have any yet. But we’ve got two on order and I cannot wait until they arrive! Ladies and gentleman, behold – The Monster Hybrid Snow Plow and Broom! Three words: Oh. Hell. Yes.

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Tales from the Terminal

adventures at the airport and other random musings

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