Dear passengers, we love you – we do! You’re the engine that makes our industry go. And the vast majority of you do it right – you arrive early, are courteous, patient, etc. But I’ve seen some things lately that, quite frankly, make me cringe. So here are a few words of advice for the rest of you.
Please don’t drag six giant suitcases to the gate. Seriously. You aren’t fooling anyone. You’re not going to be able to fit even the smallest one into the overhead bin. You’re going to have to check them. You know this! Do yourself and everyone attempting to maneuver around you a favor and get to the airport early enough to properly check your bags.
Please don’t ride the baggage carousel. For some reason this is frowned upon and if I’m not allowed to do it, then neither are you.
Please don’t have loud, angry conversations on the phone via bluetooth. You sound like a crazy person and you’re attracting attention – the wrong kind.
Please don’t hover awkwardly/menacingly/timidly/creepily over someone seated near an outlet. First of all, look around and see if there are any other outlets available. My airport has lots of them all over – in the walls, built into the seats, heck they even have charging tables. However, if you need to charge a device and there’s only one outlet in the vicinity, just ask nicely if you can use it.
Please don’t wear super stiletto high heels. Or, for that matter, flip flops. I realize that going through security is a challenge and having to take your shoes off is a hassle, but if you won’t think about what it will do to your feet schlepping around the airport in that kind of footwear, then please consider what would happen if you were involved in an emergency and needed to evacuate. Last I checked, it is highly unlikely you’ll be evacuating onto a beach. Or a dance club.
Please don’t ask the airport employee where the bathroom is when you are standing less than ten feet from the bathroom.
Please don’t park in the no parking zones out front. Seriously, it’s a safety thing – we’re not just trying to make your life difficult for the fun of it.
Please don’t argue and complain about the parking ticket you got when you ignored the roughly 200 NO PARKING signs and parked in the no parking zone anyway.
While we’re on the subject, please don’t blame your dog for parking in the no parking zone. Come on now – everyone knows that dogs are terrible at parallel parking. Besides, they prefer the long-term parking lots because there’s more space to… er… well, do their business (if you know what I mean). And yes, someone really did attempt to argue their way out of a parking ticket by blaming their dog!
Please don’t forget that there are security cameras EVERYWHERE. Enough said.
Whatever else you do, please DO NOT attempt to get on the employee shuttle. It won’t take you to your car and trust me, you really don’t want to ride with us!