What Airport Pages REALLY Mean

what gate

“Paging all blog readers to gate B23! Or is it gate B25???”

If you’ve ever been in an airport, or if you’ve ever watched shows or movies involving airports, then you’ve probably heard plenty of those sometimes-informative and sometimes-annoying airport pages over the intercom.  Usually these pages contain standard TSA reminders or routine boarding announcements. However, have you ever wondered about what the people who are making those pages are REALLY thinking?  Well wonder no more!  Here’s some insight into what goes on behind the scenes.

Oeuver

The announcement: “Captain Oever, white courtesy phone.” What it really means: The WHITE phone!!!

The announcement: “Would the passenger who left their cell phone at the desk at Gate C1 please return to pick it up.”

What it really means: If you aren’t here in 30 seconds we’re going to start sending random pictures and text messages to everyone on your contact list.

 

The announcement: “Would a representative from the construction company please meet the Metro Security guard in front of gate Bravo 28?”

What it really means: One of you construction clowns has illegally parked a large piece of equipment out front.  Again.  We’d tow it except we don’t have a tow truck large enough, so instead we’re going to give you a hard time about it here in front of all the passengers.

 

The announcement: “Attention all confirmed passengers on Flight 1234, there are six minutes until we close the doors.  Six minutes.”

What it really means: Actually, we’re closing the doors in three minutes.  Bwahahahaha!

 

The announcement: “Would arriving passenger John Doe please come to the baggage claim area and pick up your luggage.”

What it really means: We have to page you to come and get your bags? Seriously?

baggage

No bags to pick up at this carousel.

The announcement: “Would passengers Smith and Jones please come to the counter at gate A22? Again, paging passengers Smith and Jones to gate A22.”

What it really means: If the two of you show up together we’re going to spend the next 20 minutes secretly speculating what the heck you were up to and whether you knew each other before you arrived for your flight.

 

The announcement: “Attention in the terminal, would the owner of a green Dodge Caravan please return to the vehicle outside the baggage level? It has been ticketed and will be towed.”

What it really means: What? You somehow failed to see the hundred NO PARKING signs that we plastered everywhere? Or maybe you thought they didn’t apply to you?  Either way, at this point you’re better off to just let us tow the car.

 

The announcement: “The terminal is a smoke-free facility. There are designated smoking areas located outside on the ticketing level.”

What it really means: Your flight departing from B32 was delayed three hours and you need a smoke? Well you’ll have walk all the way to the other side of the airport.  And yes, you’ll have to go through the TSA checkpoint again.  And it’s -10F outside.  Enjoy.

511px-English_No_Smoking_sign

Need a smoke? Get out your hiking shoes. Just remember you’ll have to take them off when you go back through security.

The announcement: “Would passenger Johnson please return to TSA Checkpoint Alpha to claim your property?”

What it really means: Actually, the drug sniffing dog already claimed your property.

 

The announcement: “Attention in the terminal, this is a test of the emergency notification system. This is a construction-related test.”

What it really means: We “forgot” to hook up the emergency warning system in the new accounting office area.

 

The announcement: “Attention in the terminal, this is another test of the emergency notification system.”

What it really means: We’re still trying to hook up the emergency warning system in the new accounting office area.

 

The announcement: “Attention in the terminal, this is a final test of the emergency notification system.”

What it really means: The folks down in accounting are totally screwed.

construction zone

Where did all the construction guys go? They’re hiding from the accountants!

 

3 thoughts on “What Airport Pages REALLY Mean

  1. Haha!! Very funny. I’ve always wondered why they page people for baggage claim sometimes. I mean, seriously, have you never been in an airport before?!? I feel like if you get paged to baggage claim, you’re sort of failing at life, LOL. 🙂

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  2. I have been in airports and saw a lone bag going around and around all by itself on one of the belts. I caught myself looking at if as if it were the twilight zone because it seems to stupid to be real.

    Being paged to pick up a phone is in hopes the naked pics belong to the owner. No pics just send it to lost and found.

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  3. So THAT’S what the terminal employees are thinking. I have to say, they do a good job of keeping a sweet smile on their faces and not letting their real thoughts show. 🙂 Thanks for the inside look at a big passenger airport — I’ll never look at a terminal construction site quite the same way again!

    Like

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